Monday, April 4, 2011
Goddamn I can be an Emo Bitch
Time to put a spring back in my step, interfags! I'm talkin' bout that lovely season of regrowth, greenery, and copious fucking by both plants and animals! Allergies, bees, and picnics! SPRING! Spring is the time when everything in Arizona grows for a week, then wilts under the heat of an uninhibited and vengeful sun for 5 months! Spring in Arizona accounts for hundreds of weeds worming up through the gravel in my yard and costing me time and money in maintaining their absence! Also, return of motherfucking crickets in my house! They will stop at nothing to shove their squishy, noisy, jumpy little insect bodies into any highly conspicuous spot, especially in the drain of my shower! Ah, spring, you artist with a well of fathomless talent, decorating one side of my house in pigeon shit, egg shells, and blood-caked dead baby birds turned cat toys. The most wonderful time of the year, truly.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
...and a Crappy New Year
I feel pretty awful right now and I'd assume much of it is from the stress this disorganized mess of a project is putting on my shoulders. I feel like I can't be happy right now, not with the weight of this stupid thing riding my back. It's making me lethargic and sickly and I just can't wait until I get to Florida and get this presentation over with. Whatever the outcome, I just have to remind myself that it's only a job, it's not like I'm charging with the front line. The worst that could happen is I get fired, which is in and of itself doubtful, and even if it did, could be the best occurrence in my life right now. I'll do my best, and prepare for the worst.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Strange Feelings of Ineptitude and Low Self Esteem
I will not try to kid myself on this issue, I have had low self esteem for awhile and although it has improved with age and experience, I still suffer from this problem. It makes me lethargic and unambitious, and creates in me a sense of defeat and purposelessness at times. It makes me reclusive and unwilling to experience the world and it seems completely unreasonable, unfair, and unjustified. I do not see it as self-loathing so much as a feeling begotten of nihilism stemming from unknown and unwanted regions of my mind. As I survey the professional landscape of my peers and marvel at their accomplishments, the feeling is magnified. I need a method of banishing this lethargy and allowing myself ambitions, hopes, and dreams.
I need to find a way to get over my own self-pitying ways and "do it, rather than live with the fear of it."
I need to find a way to get over my own self-pitying ways and "do it, rather than live with the fear of it."
Friday, December 24, 2010
Tomorrow is Christmas, it's practically here!
Well, no new job for the new year yet, I actually just finished up a hellish week pertaining to my previous project. Worked 12+ days on Tuesday and Wednesday, and had to work on Thursday, which was originally scheduled to be a day off. No matter, it's done, the client's happy, and now I get to celebrate Christmas in Havasu!
I had a very interesting dream last night, included within were such fun things as my great uncle playing World of Warcraft and loving it, my grandpap taking pictures on a chair with some chick who lives in Havasu I saw on OKCupid, and me peeing into a sink. Also, at one point I was running down a hallway which featured the cover art for every album on my computer. As I walked into the art's perimeter, the associated music began playing. The whole time my dad and uncle were trailing behind, enduring my awesome music library consisting of such winners as Adema, Limp Bizkit, and Saliva.
Anyhow, I woke up and now I have to get a shower so I can beat traffic on my way to Havasu for the festivities. I wish the drive wasn't so goddamn long, but it is what it is. Merry Christmas eve and Christmas day to all of ya!
I had a very interesting dream last night, included within were such fun things as my great uncle playing World of Warcraft and loving it, my grandpap taking pictures on a chair with some chick who lives in Havasu I saw on OKCupid, and me peeing into a sink. Also, at one point I was running down a hallway which featured the cover art for every album on my computer. As I walked into the art's perimeter, the associated music began playing. The whole time my dad and uncle were trailing behind, enduring my awesome music library consisting of such winners as Adema, Limp Bizkit, and Saliva.
Anyhow, I woke up and now I have to get a shower so I can beat traffic on my way to Havasu for the festivities. I wish the drive wasn't so goddamn long, but it is what it is. Merry Christmas eve and Christmas day to all of ya!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Trekking the Bleak Wasteland of Corporate America
Of certain import is my situation, oh blogulant ones. I work as a traveling software tester. They pay me to go to their offices, I do my best to help them fix their shitty programs. This time, I was sent off to one of the more unsatisfying adventures of my career. I was sent to the Newest Jersey, home of Snooki and other such distasteful guidos in order to help baby soap manufacturing giant Johnson and Johnson solve a problem. I will not bore you to bones with technical details but suffice to say I am merely retreading established pathways. The issue with this is the trekking itself. You see, the J&J offices are located in scenic buttfuck egypt, NJ. I am there from Sunday night until Friday afternoon every week. The problem being that I get no time at my house. I bought my house with the intent to live in it, but it appears that will not be the case as I've gotten a solid two months of actual living time out of the place. It is more of a winter home, one that I inhabit one full day a week. That being said, I stewed on the issue and decided it may be about time for a job switch.
Today marks the first day of the search. Granted all I did was fill out profiles on Career Builder and Monster to attract some interest with likely candidates, but it's a start. I would find it quite lovely to end up in a position with far, far less non-local travel (as in no travel) as of right now it's bothering me to the point of wanting to be done with it all (not a shotgun mouthwash, mind you). I shall use this as a checkpoint and wait to see how things end up.
Today marks the first day of the search. Granted all I did was fill out profiles on Career Builder and Monster to attract some interest with likely candidates, but it's a start. I would find it quite lovely to end up in a position with far, far less non-local travel (as in no travel) as of right now it's bothering me to the point of wanting to be done with it all (not a shotgun mouthwash, mind you). I shall use this as a checkpoint and wait to see how things end up.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Song Idea
Something about fixing Mexico being allegorical to a relationship.
Or...
Fuck, a song about fixing Mexico. Cause that Abraham Reyes guy is a total asshole.
Or...
Fuck, a song about fixing Mexico. Cause that Abraham Reyes guy is a total asshole.
A Transferrence
Wrote this some time ago in a quaint analog notebook. Gonna do my best to transfer it verbatim.
Ahem...
The exorbitant amount of unequality today stuns me. However, I see it may be necessary to continue the current trend of society. However, I wish to know the ultimate goal of it all. Where do we go from here? All I see are signs of regression, economies which have gone down the shitter, and our land, the world-leader in so many fields, has become so xenophobic as to inspire tears. However, it could be due to more coverage by the media. Either way, I don't see a unified global community ever taking shape, seeing as how man has always defined himself by those he likes least. Life breeds conflict, nay, life is conflict, and without strife, the world would be something it's not meant to be: perfect. Matters on a global scale are near impossible to deal with, so maybe it's best to leave our politicians to decide how to better their world. Why are those least qualified to lead most eager to? Do they believe that positions of power will make up for their lack of competence at life? What leads them to believe this? And most importantly, why do we let them? There are millions of people who reside in this country, why are they so easily influenced by a fucking flashing box? Damn these unanswerable questions. My goal, if I were to become filthy rich, would be to create a country where only those who I deemed intelligent and strong willed enough would combine like minds and develop things beneficial to mankind. Such things would include an alternative energy source, elimination of currency, and fireworks. Fireworks are cool, no matter how you look at them. They're as bright and loud as a war, but without the side effect of death.
[Insert island diagram here]
The island itself would in fact be built by incorporating the native topography of the island, thereby creating a "cave village" so to speak. It would be impeccably clean, and a model for places around the globe. We would develop an efficient recycling system and treat the surrounding forest as an ancient, rare, and valuable antique. It would be great. I think as a hive of bees sometimes. Well, a beehive that passes its messages to completely non-related species, such as wild boars or humpback whales. I'm scatterbrained, like Jenga when you lose. Thought collection occurs as in a crane game, I might get lucky and pick one up, but otherwise it's another quarter down the drinks. I've tried to block emotion because it's scary. It's difficult to deal with. I believe this is a problem that prevents my mingling and coupling with those of the fairer sex. The ones with big boobs who are not Chris Farley (RIP). There are waves, in a minute I'm a jumble of smiles, within 5 more I am a sulking pincushion. However, these momentary lapses give me insight to things I may not already realize and almost certainly cannot change. The sands of time continue shifting as we are left to fall helplessly into the cracks it creates. I think I've changed reasons why I like music, the sound itself is what hooked me before, but I now realize imagery is the main component in good music. If I can't get a decent image from a song, chances are I won't much care for it. This explains my love for Clutch, I just can't get enough of their obscenely surreal imagery. I'm the best person at putting myself down, anything I think of something to do, I realize there is something better out there already and it puts a damper on my state of mind. I scratch my head often. I think it's because my brain is allergic to thinking. I hate when people look at me, they should let me stay invisible along the wall as a chameleon, meaning no harm and getting in nobody's way. I like when people look at me, however, in a non-condescending manner. I am a human, a natural attention whore. This is why I believe we must have evolved from apes, they are just as loud and obnoxious as your average human. Therein lies the omnipresent life = confict. Well, I believe therein lies relief of stress, time to go back on the computer
[Insert chimp jacking off graphic]
Well, that was embarrassing. My way of thinking has not changed much, but my level of self-expression has (hopefully) improved from this. I do believe this was a stream-of-consciousness exercise, however.
Ahem...
The exorbitant amount of unequality today stuns me. However, I see it may be necessary to continue the current trend of society. However, I wish to know the ultimate goal of it all. Where do we go from here? All I see are signs of regression, economies which have gone down the shitter, and our land, the world-leader in so many fields, has become so xenophobic as to inspire tears. However, it could be due to more coverage by the media. Either way, I don't see a unified global community ever taking shape, seeing as how man has always defined himself by those he likes least. Life breeds conflict, nay, life is conflict, and without strife, the world would be something it's not meant to be: perfect. Matters on a global scale are near impossible to deal with, so maybe it's best to leave our politicians to decide how to better their world. Why are those least qualified to lead most eager to? Do they believe that positions of power will make up for their lack of competence at life? What leads them to believe this? And most importantly, why do we let them? There are millions of people who reside in this country, why are they so easily influenced by a fucking flashing box? Damn these unanswerable questions. My goal, if I were to become filthy rich, would be to create a country where only those who I deemed intelligent and strong willed enough would combine like minds and develop things beneficial to mankind. Such things would include an alternative energy source, elimination of currency, and fireworks. Fireworks are cool, no matter how you look at them. They're as bright and loud as a war, but without the side effect of death.
[Insert island diagram here]
The island itself would in fact be built by incorporating the native topography of the island, thereby creating a "cave village" so to speak. It would be impeccably clean, and a model for places around the globe. We would develop an efficient recycling system and treat the surrounding forest as an ancient, rare, and valuable antique. It would be great. I think as a hive of bees sometimes. Well, a beehive that passes its messages to completely non-related species, such as wild boars or humpback whales. I'm scatterbrained, like Jenga when you lose. Thought collection occurs as in a crane game, I might get lucky and pick one up, but otherwise it's another quarter down the drinks. I've tried to block emotion because it's scary. It's difficult to deal with. I believe this is a problem that prevents my mingling and coupling with those of the fairer sex. The ones with big boobs who are not Chris Farley (RIP). There are waves, in a minute I'm a jumble of smiles, within 5 more I am a sulking pincushion. However, these momentary lapses give me insight to things I may not already realize and almost certainly cannot change. The sands of time continue shifting as we are left to fall helplessly into the cracks it creates. I think I've changed reasons why I like music, the sound itself is what hooked me before, but I now realize imagery is the main component in good music. If I can't get a decent image from a song, chances are I won't much care for it. This explains my love for Clutch, I just can't get enough of their obscenely surreal imagery. I'm the best person at putting myself down, anything I think of something to do, I realize there is something better out there already and it puts a damper on my state of mind. I scratch my head often. I think it's because my brain is allergic to thinking. I hate when people look at me, they should let me stay invisible along the wall as a chameleon, meaning no harm and getting in nobody's way. I like when people look at me, however, in a non-condescending manner. I am a human, a natural attention whore. This is why I believe we must have evolved from apes, they are just as loud and obnoxious as your average human. Therein lies the omnipresent life = confict. Well, I believe therein lies relief of stress, time to go back on the computer
[Insert chimp jacking off graphic]
Well, that was embarrassing. My way of thinking has not changed much, but my level of self-expression has (hopefully) improved from this. I do believe this was a stream-of-consciousness exercise, however.
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