Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Strange Feelings of Ineptitude and Low Self Esteem

I will not try to kid myself on this issue, I have had low self esteem for awhile and although it has improved with age and experience, I still suffer from this problem. It makes me lethargic and unambitious, and creates in me a sense of defeat and purposelessness at times. It makes me reclusive and unwilling to experience the world and it seems completely unreasonable, unfair, and unjustified. I do not see it as self-loathing so much as a feeling begotten of nihilism stemming from unknown and unwanted regions of my mind. As I survey the professional landscape of my peers and marvel at their accomplishments, the feeling is magnified. I need a method of banishing this lethargy and allowing myself ambitions, hopes, and dreams.

I need to find a way to get over my own self-pitying ways and "do it, rather than live with the fear of it."

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