Strange Feelings of Ineptitude and Low Self Esteem

I will not try to kid myself on this issue, I have had low self esteem for awhile and although it has improved with age and experience, I still suffer from this problem. It makes me lethargic and unambitious, and creates in me a sense of defeat and purposelessness at times. It makes me reclusive and unwilling to experience the world and it seems completely unreasonable, unfair, and unjustified. I do not see it as self-loathing so much as a feeling begotten of nihilism stemming from unknown and unwanted regions of my mind. As I survey the professional landscape of my peers and marvel at their accomplishments, the feeling is magnified. I need a method of banishing this lethargy and allowing myself ambitions, hopes, and dreams.

I need to find a way to get over my own self-pitying ways and "do it, rather than live with the fear of it."

Tomorrow is Christmas, it's practically here!

Well, no new job for the new year yet, I actually just finished up a hellish week pertaining to my previous project. Worked 12+ days on Tuesday and Wednesday, and had to work on Thursday, which was originally scheduled to be a day off. No matter, it's done, the client's happy, and now I get to celebrate Christmas in Havasu!

I had a very interesting dream last night, included within were such fun things as my great uncle playing World of Warcraft and loving it, my grandpap taking pictures on a chair with some chick who lives in Havasu I saw on OKCupid, and me peeing into a sink. Also, at one point I was running down a hallway which featured the cover art for every album on my computer. As I walked into the art's perimeter, the associated music began playing. The whole time my dad and uncle were trailing behind, enduring my awesome music library consisting of such winners as Adema, Limp Bizkit, and Saliva.

Anyhow, I woke up and now I have to get a shower so I can beat traffic on my way to Havasu for the festivities. I wish the drive wasn't so goddamn long, but it is what it is. Merry Christmas eve and Christmas day to all of ya!